Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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