just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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