I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
