I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
