I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
