the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
