I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want is dick and wine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
