I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
