well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
