I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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