Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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