I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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