Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
