There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
