Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
