i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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