I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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