Your face is a jimmy john
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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