he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
