The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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