just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
