$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
