Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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