you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
