yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
