When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
