I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize