You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
