You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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