Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
