I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
