singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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