morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
