I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
