so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
