Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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