I'm lost and stupid without you.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
