I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
