If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
