Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
