they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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