wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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