I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
