i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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