Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
