Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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