look no pants
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
