I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
