I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
