I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
