I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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