ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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