it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
