A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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