Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
