life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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