we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
