At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
