I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
