I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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