so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
