seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
