she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
