I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
