ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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