I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
