There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So many bounce houses so little time
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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