So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
