I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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